I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
