"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
