Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
