Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize