Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize