i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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