She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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