looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
