i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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