a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
