Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
