I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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