I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
