just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
