I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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