i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
