1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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