omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
