i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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