Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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