I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
