Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
