God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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