was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
