we're chasing vodka with high fives
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
