dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So many bounce houses so little time
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
