I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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