Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
