Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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