She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
