My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize