Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize