I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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