why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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