If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
