remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
