walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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