you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
