shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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