wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
