im having a threesome with these popsicles
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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