sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
