capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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