i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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