it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
