Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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