I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
