tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
