Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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