I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
