i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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