I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
