Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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