i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
