My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize