I must be too annoying 4 u.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
