I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
