He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
