Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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