I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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