you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
