True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
