my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
