dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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