OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
