Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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