somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
