yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's shark week go big or go home
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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