They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
