I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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