Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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